belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
