Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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