xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He passed out mid-signature
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
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