Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
