are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
