I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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