whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Your dad touched me again.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
