You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
