you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
