you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he shaved USA in his pubs
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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