Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
