Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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