my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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