Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I hope mine doesn't look like that
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
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Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
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I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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