YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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