Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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