She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
