Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
