Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
