I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
