I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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