I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
birth control should be required to get into college
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
