FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
