Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
