Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
