I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
