Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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