He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
