i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
