you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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