Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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