That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
