Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
