K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
