My sheets look like a crime scene.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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