We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
