what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
