No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
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nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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