maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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