I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
this hospital has no fireball
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
