Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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