If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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