my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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