so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
