dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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