did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had hair everywhere except his balls
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize