If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
