I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
