i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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