I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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