a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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