If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
