she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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