I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
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the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
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I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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