you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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