It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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