also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
