A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
