he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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