I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize