WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
